Schmergo
Trusted Girls
Voice of Truth and Insanity
REAL men wear frou-frou!
Posts: 2,558
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Post by Schmergo on Jul 29, 2008 13:03:49 GMT -5
I like Emmett. He got eaten by bears. AND NOW HE EATS THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!
For some reason, this excites me a little too much. Plus, he sounds adorable. He sounds like a buff vampire version of Michael Ball.
P.S. I took the quiz that Luna did and here's what I got: PICKLE! You're so much more fun than a plain old cucumber! Your salty personality makes lunches, picnics, and parties way more fun than they'd be otherwise. Some people might think of you as the wacky sidekick that hangs out with a sandwich, but you're also great on your own. Lots of vegetables are flavorful, but you're also funny, and that's a tasty combination.
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mousemaylikecheese
Trusted Girls
And by the way, Monsieur Marius, I think that I was a little bit in love with you.
Posts: 322
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Post by mousemaylikecheese on Jul 29, 2008 14:16:11 GMT -5
As in a pickle? I'm corn on the cob.
This statement was brought to you by the HVFCA and has no relevance whatsoever to the topic at hand.
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Post by Beverly Marie on Aug 6, 2008 12:03:18 GMT -5
Breaking Dawn was cool. I refuse to elaborate.
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Post by Heidi Girl on Aug 10, 2008 8:37:55 GMT -5
I know, Breaking Dawn was a cool book, when I was reading reviews (I will admit I read the spoilers, they don't bother me), I thought it would be rather lame, but I read it anyway and loved it! If anyone else had written it, it would have sounded like bad fanfiction, but SM pulled it off nicely. - H.G.
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Schmergo
Trusted Girls
Voice of Truth and Insanity
REAL men wear frou-frou!
Posts: 2,558
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Post by Schmergo on Aug 10, 2008 11:23:12 GMT -5
Bad fanfiction, you say? Here's what my sister and I wrote in the car, alternating sentences. It's our epilogue to "Breaking Dawn," though we haven't actually read the book. Willoughby is the villainous cad from "Sense and Sensibility." The story is packed full of inside jokes, particularly to "Sense and Sensibility" and the musical "Assassins," so if something makes no sense, that's probably why.
We felt every book should end with Jacob angst. Here's ours.
AN EPILOGUE TO BREAKING DAWN
“Yum! A baby!” screamed Jacob, getting out a knife and fork. “Them’s good eating!”
“But that’s your baby,” insisted his wife.
“Willoughby, you can’t expect me to let this delicious morsel go to waste!” Jacob cried.
“But you’ve already eaten our other eleven children, and it’s not like you need any more nourishment… you’re already nineteen feet tall and eight hundred and fifty pounds,” Willoughby moaned, touching up his lipstick.
“Yeah, but most of it’s muscle, and the rest is teeth! Besides, last week, you let Gaston eat seven of my babies!”
“WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT GASTON AND I ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR, AND WE ARE MAKING MANY A SANDWICH!” hollered Willoughby.
“Willoughby, Willoughby, where is your heart?!?!?!” Jacob sobbed.
“I believe you ate that for breakfast,” Willoughby informed him stiffly. “Do you like ANYTHING other than eating and producing children?”
“I like making those wonderful crocheted tea cozies,” Jacob said eagerly. “And I like French braiding your hair and trying to grow a mustache!”
“Jacob, you tried growing long hair to impress Bella, and all you ended up with was one extra-long armpit hair.”
“And one quarter of a mustache!” Jacob hollered, throwing a case of booze against the wall emphatically.
“I WAS GOING TO DRINK THAT!” Willoughby screeched, belching angrily.
Suddenly, Gaston burst through the door, singing, “You’ve been dreaming just one dream nearly all your—” Jacob grabbed him by the waist and bit off his head.
“Tastes like my favourite dish!” he grinned.
“What’s that?” asked Willoughby, hoping desperately that his husband didn’t say ‘babies.’
“Oh, come on, Will! It was in the paper… BEEF!”
“I stopped reading after the part about how you like collecting coins in your spare time. The only thing I’ve ever seen you collect are dead babies.”
“THEY COUNT AS CURRENCY IN THE QUILEUTE RESERVE!! IF ZACK CAN BUY A DISUSTING PORK TACO WITH A SHREDDED TEN DOLLAR BILL AT THE NATIONAL ZOO, THEN I CAN BUY ILLEGAL SUBSTANCES WITH MAULED FETUSES!”
“You’re as bad as that man who pays for everything with fish. What use do people have with mauled fetuses?”
“They are incredibly useful!” pouted Jacob. “You can make delicious appetizers, you can plug up leaks, they make very unique wall decorations, they sponge up spills very effectively, and they’re an EXCELLENT conversation piece at parties.”
“You have noticed that the last party you were invited to was Bella’s graduation party, and she uninvited you after you kissed her? Are you that bad at kissing?”
“Well, you seem to have enjoyed my kissing, because we’ve somehow managed to acquire at least nineteen children,” Jacob pointed out. “And it’s not my fault that no one but you came to my last eighty-two parties.”
“”Actually, I believe it is. And I was only there because you broke the car when you tried to open it, and I can’t buy a new one, because no one will accept dead babies as currency, and we have no real money.”
“Well, at least I’m better than your last husband,” roared Jacob, biting the legs off of a coffee table and spitting them into Willoughby’s eyes. “Enjolras was always spitting on people and over-enunciating his ‘r’s and he looked like a vampire! I HATE vampires!”
“In all fairness, that was only when his understudy was playing him,” Willoughby explained rationally.
“Well, what kind of husband comes with an understudy?” demanded Jacob, who seemed to like saying ‘well’ a little too much. “And where’s this Gaston fellow you seem to enjoy making sandwiches with?”
“Erm… you ate him…”
“Oh, jolly good! I remember now!” giggled Jacob. “Well, for such an ugly woman, you sure are in high demand!”
Willoughby blinked. “Erm, I’m a man,” he said gently.
“WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!”
“Jacob, we’ve had so many children and lived together for the last fourteen years, not to mention the fact that you always seem to walk in on me in the shower. I thought you knew?”
“I have never seen a woman naked, thanks to Bella, so how was I to know?” snapped Jacob. “Anyway, that’s disgusting. I’m going home to my other wife, Prince Eric.”
“But Eric’s…” Willoughby began as Jacob slammed the door so hard that it splintered into dust. “Oh, never mind.”
THE END
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Post by Heidi Girl on Aug 13, 2008 13:13:08 GMT -5
That was so strange, but it was so so funny! - H.G.
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beaternumber1
Nestling
So i pretend that im married to a dead fictional character. What's it matter to you? <3 Fred <3
Posts: 74
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Post by beaternumber1 on Sept 27, 2008 15:38:03 GMT -5
K i love twilight but i hate Edward. Breaking dawn was great but Eclipse and New Moon were Terrible. I loved 6 out of 7 of the Harry Potter books and nly 2 out of 4 of the Twilight Series. HP is better, in my opinion anyway. My fav character in Twilight is definetly Seth. He is great!
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Post by angiepangie on Jan 4, 2009 19:17:28 GMT -5
I love both Harry Potter an Twilight. But I have to agree with what Schmergo said about Emmett. It is pretty funny that he was almost killed by a bear, so now he eats them. I love Emmett, he's like a big teddy bear.
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