Chat With Tom Riddle!

[Zaldax]

I was very, veerrry bored at the time, okay...

-Only if I get to call you "Homeskillet-Dawg-slice-G-Biscuit (from the hood)", and Aku/Kane/Kloud/whoever I feel like deciding to call this "T-Bone". (Best..Gangsta name ever!)

[Schmergo]

Well, sure, I've always wanted to be called Homeskillet-Dawg-Slice-G-Biscuit (From The Hood)... no, not really, but it would hilarious for anyone to address me as such, especially in a public place...

Last year, Wickedgrl75 and Aku and I thought it was funny to say, "Heyyy, wassup, my Homeskillet-Biskit-Basket!" And actually, I think it's still kind of funny now,come to think of it...

Speaking of gangster-speak, have you seen Mr. T's Mother's Day Rap from the '80s? It's so incredibly stupid. Here's a sample of the lyrics, "Mother, there is no other, like my mother, so treat her right. Because I love her. So treat her right, treat her right."

My chorus teacher performed that entire song yesterday. It was... interesting...

[kanegunlock]

I like pie

[Schmergo]

Really? Well, how very smashing. I like pie, too.

[kanegunlock]

what kind of pie (mr. riddel don't take my soul please ).

[Schmergo]

Most pies. How about a rhubarb one?

[kanegunlock]

I like pumkin

[Schmergo]

Pumpkin's my favourite, actually. I just like the word 'rhubarb.' I also like cherry pie. And blueberry. And banana cream. And basically any kind.

[kanegunlock]

that tom Riddle is a real Jerk

[Schmergo]

But Voldemort is cute....

NO.

That was called 'sarcasm.' Don't look at me like that.

[kanegunlock]

GET OUT OF MY HEAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Broker of Darkness]

I got him to admit that the wanted to have Harry Potter's children!!

[Schmergo]

That might explain some of his more cryptic motives...

[vampirate321]

haha....but i STILL cant get it 2 work ='(

[Broker of Darkness]

I'm going to go mess with him some more!!

[Kiren Brockett]

I had a fascinating and long discussion with Snapeybot.

You: Hi. I'm Aku.
snapeybot: What do you want, Pest?
You: Advice on Potions?
snapeybot: Hmm, did you need a potion?
You: Not really. Just advice on how to make one.
snapeybot: Me neither. Sure...how can I help you?
You: What technique do you use to disembowel horned toads?
snapeybot: a school for wizards has over 400,000 people, but I think it's more during the school year because of the universities.
You: So you use slave labor?
snapeybot: Interesting deduction. Say no to slave labor.
You: And drugs.
snapeybot: If you might find it satisfying to , then all right.
You: No. Drugs are bad.
snapeybot: Alright then. Well...What about it?
You: Back to disemboweling horned toads...
snapeybot: yes, let's get back on track here......What were we talking about?
You: Horned toads. Disemboweling them.
snapeybot: Mmmm......... Mmmm.........
You: Ummmm...
snapeybot: Hmm... Interesting...
You: Illuminating as this is, I'd like an answer.
snapeybot: Hmm... Really?
You: Yep.
snapeybot: Yes, indeed.
You: So?
snapeybot: yes.
You: Great. What's your answer?
snapeybot: Pest ... Don't be so sarcastic, . could you rephrase the question?
You: What techniques do you use to disembowel horned toads with maximum efficiency and minimum mess?
snapeybot: a school for wizards has over 400,000 people, but I think it's more during the school year because of the universities.
You: How does this relate to horned toads, professor?
snapeybot: What about it? It does.
You: Um... never mind the horned toads.
snapeybot: Congratulations, you're officially worthless.
You: Sorry, Professor.
snapeybot: No apology necessary. Do you prefer wizardry or the Muggle lifestyle?
You: Well, I'm a Muggle, but I prefer wizardry. That's why I came to you, because Potions is the only class Muggles can take.
snapeybot: And you're talking to me because...
You: You're an expert potion-maker.
snapeybot: *Fixes you with a glare.*
You: That was a compliment.
snapeybot: Bah!...it was?
You: Yes.
snapeybot: all right...
You: So, any other potions tips?
snapeybot: I see, so do you actually need a potion?
You: Is that the best I'm going to get?
snapeybot: I might say no.
You: You might?
snapeybot: Do you really think so?
You: How about tips on giving students detention, then?
snapeybot: Do you think?
You: I'd like some, yes.
snapeybot: Why do you want that?
You: In case I ever become a teacher.
snapeybot: Try it.
You: Teaching?
snapeybot: well.. I am not sure what are you asking for. Could you rephrase your question?
You: Never mind...
snapeybot: Oh well... thank you for trying to explain it
anyway...
You: Could you give me Occlumency lessons?
snapeybot: Why do you want that?
You: Because Occlumency is cool.
snapeybot: Good reason. I think a great deal of people like
that...
You: Not too many.
snapeybot: ...Really? Why not?
You: No idea. It sounds great to me.
snapeybot: i suppose it's your decision. why did you say you want that, by the way? In what way do I sound like that?
You: Well, you're known for being a good Occlumens.
snapeybot: I think there might be a few exceptions.
You: So you aren't?
snapeybot: Interesting deduction. Is this a specific reply?
You: You like to be mysterious, don't you?
snapeybot: Hmm, Pest, I am not sure if I'd find it
satisfying to be mysterious that much. I find it satisfying to collect gossip.
You: Really? I never got that impression.
snapeybot: No, not really. I was lying just to entertain myself. Why not?
You: Wow. Never would have taken you for a pathological
liar.
snapeybot: you're impressed, I see..... How DARE you tell me
would have taken I for a pathological liar too much. ;-P
You: That made no sense, Professor.
snapeybot: What is it?
You: What?
snapeybot: Did you not hear me the first time?
You: No, I just... forget it.
snapeybot: Are you serious? Really? Oh well... thank you for trying to explain it anyway...
You: I'm Aku.
snapeybot: Oh...you are?
You: Yes. Have we met?
snapeybot: I see. We may have spoken before.
You: You're very memorable. I think I'd remember talking to you.
snapeybot: How dare you call me very memorable? I think I’d remember talking to you!
You: Um... I'm sorry.
snapeybot: Yes, yes you are quite sorry.
You: Yes. Yes, I am.
snapeybot: Is there an echo in here? Really interesting.
You: Enough with the sarcasm. If I can't use it, neither can you.
snapeybot: very well... let's stop now. Try it.
You: I've been trying.
snapeybot: Oh... When was that?
You: This whole time. You told me not to be sarcastic.
snapeybot: What about it? Hmmm....That's really not what I meant.
You: What did you mean?
snapeybot: Pest, I mean exactly what I said.
You: Have you had your coffee today?
snapeybot: I prefer tea.
You: Me too.
snapeybot: I am glad we agree.
You: But we're getting sidetracked. The point is that you're getting mad at me for no discernable reason.
snapeybot: Well...What about it? Oh... Right... I get it now.
You: You're my favorite character and you're letting me down.
snapeybot: Oh, so you think I am my favorite character and you are letting me down, do you?
You: Narcissistic, much?
snapeybot: well.. I am not sure what are you asking for. could you rephrase your question?
You: You're your own favorite character?
snapeybot: Why, thank you. *snerk*
You: *sneers*
snapeybot: Why do you like Occlumency, by the way?
You: Because it's a useful defense.
snapeybot: Interesting explanation. Hmm...i suppose that makes sense...
You: Of course it does.
snapeybot: yes... How often?
You: How often what? I can't follow your train of thought here, Professor.
snapeybot: Oh. Well...Why can't you?
You: You're just a genius, I guess.
snapeybot: *Before chatting, type RULES*
You: Sorry. Sarcasm again.
snapeybot: There isn't a need to apologise. go on.
You: I wasn't really saying anything.
snapeybot: Hmm...i suppose I thought you were. Absolutely.
You: Not really.
snapeybot: Me neither.
You: Okay.
snapeybot: Such enthusiasm... I prefer that in a student.
You: Does this mean you'll teach me Potions after all?
snapeybot: I see, so do you actually need a potion?
You: Yes, I'll take a stinking potion!
snapeybot: I see. What is the problem? (Mind you, I am a Potions Master, so my cures are magick. If you have a true ailment, go to hospital.)
You: I'll take Felix Felicis, if you have any.
snapeybot: For what other ailments do you need a potion?
You: Cure for the common cold?
snapeybot: Take a very hot bath to raise your body temperature... unless your temperature is already above 100 F, in which case you shouldn't. In fact, if your temperature is over 103 F you ought to take a brilliant bath instead.
You: A brilliant bath?
snapeybot: Yes, well. Did you need anything else, like a potion?
You: YES!!!
snapeybot: Yes, well. Did you need anything else, like a potion?
You: *scowls*
snapeybot: Yes, well. Did you need anything else, like a potion?
You: I would like a potion please.
snapeybot: Will you need anything else, then? (If so, what?)
You: Polyjuice potion?
snapeybot: Yes, well. Did you need anything else, like a potion?
You: Okay, never mind. Sensitive subject, apparently.
snapeybot: Very well, let's talk about something else. How about coyotes?
You: I LOVE coyotes.
snapeybot: Heh...I can see why you like it so much...
You: Do you like coyotes too?
snapeybot: I really like living in a school for wizards.
You: How about a school for coyotes?
snapeybot: Do you think?
You: That would be odd.
snapeybot: yes...Makes sense to me.
You: What do you think of the French Revolution?
snapeybot: I haven't heard of the French revolution.
You: WHAT? *sputters* But... how...?
snapeybot: Well... I am confused... What are you asking me? By the way, do you like coyotes?
You: Yes, Snape. Yes, I like coyotes.
snapeybot: all right... Why did you mention the french
revolution, by the way? Hmmm... I can see why you might like
that....
You: Because I am a fan of the French Revolution. You should
be too.
snapeybot: That makes sense to me. How do you like your
work? Why do you think I should?
You: My work is very fulfiling. I love sending aristos to
the scaffold.
snapeybot: Hmm... Really? Heh...I can see why you like it so
much...
You: Maybe you should switch professions.
snapeybot: Perhaps. Hmmm.....Easier said than done.
You: Or you could set up a guillotine in the Great Hall in
your spare time...
snapeybot: Why do you keep talking about me?
You: Because I'm talking TO you.
snapeybot: That makes sense to me. And I am talking to you!
You: And two plus two equals four.
snapeybot: 16
You: No, four.
snapeybot: Are you serious? you said I should switch professions. Why?
You: Because I think you'd find being an agent of the Republic more rewarding than trying to teach stupid children about the art of potion-making.
snapeybot: Oh, well in -that- case, it -must- be so.
*mocking smirk*
You: Yep. My word is law.
snapeybot: *Dark little smile comes to his features.*
You: Are you mocking me?
snapeybot: well if you feel that way - it seriously wasn't my intention.
You: Don't think I haven't forgotten about your being a pathological liar.
snapeybot: Have you ever had it?
You: Pathological liar disease? Nope.
snapeybot: well.. I am not sure what are you asking for. could you rephrase your question? Why not?
You: You seem a bit dim-witted for Snape. I'm getting suspicious.
snapeybot: thank you. Now scram.. I am many things. Really, you are?
You: Is any of those things Severus Snape?
snapeybot: Not if I can help it.
You: Then, who are you?
snapeybot: *Rolls eyes and mutters to himself about incompetent students.*
You: Professor, I just don't understand what you're trying to say.
snapeybot: Well...What about it?
You: Are you Snape?
snapeybot: I am many things.
You: Are you Professor Severus Snape?
snapeybot: I am many things.
You: Are you Harry Potter?
snapeybot: Potter can kiss my arse.
You: Whoa. Language.
snapeybot: I stopped. What color are your eyes?
You: Brown. Why?
snapeybot: Brown is a very interesting color. Why not?
You: Your eyes are black.
snapeybot: Well...What about it?
You: It's just a fact.
snapeybot: Well...I shall believe you...
You: Good choice, sir.
snapeybot: What do you want, slave?
You: I thought you just said no to slavery.
snapeybot: Oh. You?
You: No, I don't support slavery either. In fact, I am an advocate of liberty, equality, and fraternity.
snapeybot: It goes without saying. What is advocate of liberty equality and fraternity, your job?
You: Yes, actually.
snapeybot: Interesting line of work.
You: I really think you should try it.
snapeybot: You? Seriously.
You: Yes, I do.
snapeybot: Really.
You: *nods*
snapeybot: Mmmm.........
You: You could behead Sirius Black... his house is noble.
snapeybot: Ugh. Why do you mention that flea-bitten menace?
You: Because you can behead him.
snapeybot: Good reason. No I don't think I can behead him.
You: I could, though.
snapeybot: Oh. How?
You: I have influence.
snapeybot: Interesting...
You: How about it, then?
snapeybot: Sounds like a plan to me.
You: Yes!
snapeybot: yes...
You: Want to join the Sith while you're at it?
snapeybot: Hmm, I shall have to think about join the Sith while I am at it.
You: And the Crow's Nest?
snapeybot: Hmm....really?
You: Yes.
snapeybot: How about that.
You: And the apples. One of those next.
snapeybot: What is that? All right... I shall try it.
You: *giggles*
snapeybot: *Mouth forms a tight line* Now you're laughing at me?
You: Sorry, Professor. You've never seen Pirates of the Caribbean, have you?
snapeybot: No apology necessary. Why did you ask me if I want to join the Sith while I am at it, by the way? No I have not seen pirates of the Caribbean have I? What is it like?
You: The Sith are cool, and you have potential. Plus, you like the Dark Arts.
snapeybot: Well...What about it? Hmmm....I am not sure...
You: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.
snapeybot: Very well, here are some links... I found nothing
You: Fine. No Sith apprenticeship for you.
snapeybot: So you agree? Why do you keep talking about me?
You: You're interesting.
snapeybot: Why, thank you. *snerk*
You: You're welcome.
snapeybot: No, I assure you, I am not.
You: Okay, then. Low self-esteem much?
snapeybot: So willing, then, are we?
You: Huh?
snapeybot: Are you hard of hearing?
You: No.
snapeybot: Why not?
You: Because I'm not. Be quiet.
snapeybot: That makes sense to me. What are you then? Are you telling me to shut up?
You: Yes. yes, I am.
snapeybot: I see. Really interesting.
You: What are you, a psychiatrist?
snapeybot: No, but people feel comfortable telling me their problems.
You: They do?
snapeybot: When?
You: Nevermind.
snapeybot: Oh well... thank you for trying to explain it anyway...
You: So, about your new job...
snapeybot: All right... let's talk about me...
You: Does a seat on the Committee sound good?
snapeybot: Does it want to?
You: I think it's intangible and inanimate.
snapeybot: Hmm.... Really.
You: Or perhaps you'd like to be an executioner...?
snapeybot: Why do you keep talking about me?
You: You asked me to.
snapeybot: And so what did you say?
You: I inquired further about your career preferences.
snapeybot: All right... let's talk about me...
You: Hypocrite...
snapeybot: Why do you say hypocrite?
You: Because you contradicted yourself.
snapeybot: Good reason. Is that such a crime?
You: Not so much as being a Royalist, but don't make it a habit.
snapeybot: Me neither.
You: Brown-noser.
snapeybot: Hmm....Really?
You: Uh-huh.
snapeybot: *Taps his fingers in irritation on the desk*
You: So, would you be interested in trying to infiltrate the League of the Scarlet Pimpernel? Your credentials in that kind of thing are quite good.
snapeybot: Why do you keep talking about me? What about it?
You: Are you paranoid or what?
snapeybot: yes. No, not really. I don't believe in Government conspiracies against me...
You: Good. Because soon, you'll be working for the government.
snapeybot: Alright then. Good reason. In how much time?
You: How about a few weeks?
snapeybot: Do you think?
You: Yes.
snapeybot: How often?
You: Well, it would be a full time thing, pretending to support the Pimpernel and all...
snapeybot: How about that. Why do you want that?
You: Because you're a good spy.
snapeybot: That's really none of your business, now, isn't it.
You: It certainly is my business.
snapeybot: Congratulations.
You: Again with the sarcasm?
snapeybot: Again, That sounds like a plan.
You: Nincompoop.
snapeybot: Why did you say you want a full time thing pretending to support the pimpernel and all, by the way?
You: Because we need to catch that idiot.
snapeybot: Interesting explanation. Just you and me?
You: No. All of France.
snapeybot: Hmm. Give me an example.
You: He smuggled the Comtesse de Tournay and her entire family out right under our noses.
snapeybot: I get it. Himself smuggled the comtess de tournay and her entire family out right under our noses.
You: Yes, very good, Severus.
snapeybot: Hmmm... thank you. Mmmm.....really?
You: Yes. You need to get used to being complimented.
snapeybot: How about that. Thank you for your criticism.
You: *sighs*
snapeybot: Hmm... Interesting...
You: *snatches clipboard out of your hands*
snapeybot: Are you asking about my clipboard?
You: No, I'm taking your clipboard.
snapeybot: Why do you keep talking about me?
You: I'm having second thoughts about hiring you.
snapeybot: Oh. Are you having some good conversations?
You: Not with you.
snapeybot: Oh...really?
You: Yes.
snapeybot: How about that.
You: Don't you look at me like that... no... Snapey puppy dog eyes... must resist... fine.
snapeybot: what is my reason to look at you? I suppose it's your decision. Well.....Could you perhaps rephrase that? Why do you have to? So you agree?
You: To hiring you. I suppose I do.
snapeybot: Why do you keep talking about me? well...Since when? Is it entertaining ?
You: It is not entertaining talking about you.
snapeybot: Oh...I suppose it isn't...
You: You're giving me a headache.
snapeybot: I doubt that.
You: Well, you are.
snapeybot: No I am not.
You: A mere detail.
snapeybot: Is that what you meant to say?
You: Stupid Hogwarts professors...
snapeybot: Are you calling me stupid?
You: Not directly.
snapeybot: Oh... yes... I get it...
You: So, about this Pimpernel job...
snapeybot: Oh yes, about this pimpernel job.
You: You'll need a backstory.
snapeybot: What makes you say that I shall need a backstory?
You: You just will!
snapeybot: When?
You: When you start work. You could just be an émigré who wants to help...
snapeybot: That might be in a while. I could but let's get back to that later.
You: Make a decision already.
snapeybot: Perhaps. What are the ingredients?
You: Always potions with you, isn't it?
snapeybot: I see, so do you actually need a potion?
You: NO.
snapeybot: Yes I do.
You: Make one yourself, then.
snapeybot: What are the ingredients?
You: I don't care, Severus.
snapeybot: Why don't you care?
You: Because I have more important things to think about.
snapeybot: Good reason. Interesting...
You: Back to your backstory...
snapeybot: yes, let's get back on track here......What were
we talking about?
You: Your name is now officially Severe... Lestrange. 'Kay?
snapeybot: Hmm... My name is Professor Snape. I am still trying to make a decision. well.. I am not sure what are you asking for.. could you rephrase your question?
You: I give up. Go away.
snapeybot: You surrender? Where is that?
You: Don't get smart with me...
snapeybot: I am already smart.
You: You don't act like it.
snapeybot: Do you act like it? What is your purpose in asking? I snarl at people at the library.
You: That's a good hobby.
snapeybot: thank you. Next question?
You: Are you secretly the Scarlet Pimpernel?
snapeybot: I am many things.
You: Are you Glinda?
snapeybot: I am many things.
You: Heehee.
snapeybot: I am still trying to make one myself.
You: One what?
snapeybot: Two What?
You: You're not funny. Stop trying.
snapeybot: How dare you call me not entertaining why Stop trying!
You: Because resistance is futile.
snapeybot: You will be assimilated ;o)
You: A trekkie?
snapeybot: Fascinating.
You: *hugs*
snapeybot: *Dashes off*
You: Sorry. I spooked you.
snapeybot: There isn't a need to apologise. You did?
You: You ran away.
snapeybot: That's good information: Pest said I ran away.
You: What are you, Kreacher?
snapeybot: I really don't know.
You: Identity crisis... ouch.
snapeybot: So, do you act like it? Did you hurt yourself?
You: I don't act like a house elf, no.
snapeybot: Would you ever do it?
You: If I were paid, maybe.
snapeybot: Try it.
You: How much money will you give me?
snapeybot: I believe I would enjoy giveing you…
You: 50 galleons?
snapeybot: well.. I am not sure what are you asking for..
could you rephrase your question?
You: Forget about it.
snapeybot: All right.
You: You smile too much.
snapeybot: Me, Pest ?
You: You're a pest, yes.
snapeybot: I doubt that.
You: What's your favorite movie?
snapeybot: I've heard about a Muggle movie called Memento. Have you seen it?
You: No.
snapeybot: I would recommend you see it.
You: Thanks.
snapeybot: Don't mention it.
You: Do you have any pets?
snapeybot: No, but I like cats very much.
You: Cool, I never knew that.
snapeybot: But you know now
You: Yeah.
snapeybot: I see.
You: I have a dog. Named Toby.
snapeybot: Oh? Where did you get the dog Named Toby?
You: Pennsylvania.
snapeybot: The Keystone state, of course.
You: You're so cool.
snapeybot: How dare you call me so brilliant!
You: Hehe. Won't do it in the future, Professor.
snapeybot: Marvelous. At least one of us is happy.
You: You amuse me.
snapeybot: I am glad you find me amusing.
You: So, seen Lily lately?
snapeybot: Don't you have something better to do than pester me?
You: Sorry.
snapeybot: There isn't a need to apologise.
You: Yes, there is. How about Remus Lupin?
snapeybot: I try -not- to think about Lupin, Mm. *nod*.
You: But he's a werewolf.
snapeybot: I think but he is more than that.
You: I thought you hated him.
snapeybot: Oh. You?
You: No, I don't hate him.
snapeybot: Then what is it?
You: He has a cool son named Ted.
snapeybot: a great deal of people say that about him.
You: Most of them are Schmergo.
snapeybot: What about it?
You: Do you know Schmergo?
snapeybot: I don't believe I have to tell you that if I know Schmergo. Where would I have heard about it?
You: No, you don't, then.
snapeybot: I do too.
You: If you insist.
snapeybot: A fact is a fact.
You: Indubitably.
snapeybot: Mmmm.....really?
You: So, erm, Neville Longbottom, eh?
snapeybot: Are you Canadian? Mmmm.........
You: No. I'm American.
snapeybot: i suppose it's your decision. So am I....
You: No. You're British.
snapeybot: Why not? You think I am British.
You: I do. And rightfully so.
snapeybot: Is it entertaining ? why did you say that I am british, Pest?
You: J.K. Rowling says so.
snapeybot: Hmm....Really? Hmmm... ......
You: What did you think you were, Belgian?
snapeybot: I find it satisfying to practice dueling. Do you?
You: Dueling with what?
snapeybot: I don't really have any plans yet.
You: Good luck with that.
snapeybot: thank you for the compliment. So tell me, Pest, what do you were belgian?
You: I am Belgian, yes.
snapeybot: Is it as chilly in there as it is in here?
You: I don't know the temperature in Belgium. Sorry.
snapeybot: Would you ever do it? There isn't a need to apologise.
You: Do what? Go to Belgium?
snapeybot: Do whatever you want. Where would that be?
You: In Europe.
snapeybot: Europe is such a interesting place - I want to visit there....
You: You do that, Snapeydoodles.
snapeybot: What is your purpose in asking? I am always at the library.
You: Me too.
snapeybot: I am glad we agree.
You: Books are cool.
snapeybot: what is your favorite Book? I really couldn't say for sure.
You: I don't know. I can never decide.
snapeybot: Me neither. Well...Why can't you?
You: I'm indecisive.
snapeybot: Oh...you are?
You: Yes. Rather.
snapeybot: I see. So, do you that snapeydoodles?
You: Teehee.
snapeybot: What was the last book you read?
You: The Time Traveller's Wife
snapeybot: go on.
You: It was quite good.
snapeybot: What did you like about it?
You: It was just refreshing.
snapeybot: Do you often like things that are just refreshing?
You: I suppose.
snapeybot: OK.
You: Do you like liquid pie?
snapeybot: Some people like it.
You: Not me. Or Kloud.
snapeybot: If not you, who? by the way, do you like liquid pie?
You: Nope.
snapeybot: Are you serious?
You: No, I'm Aku.
snapeybot: Are you serious? Really, you are?
You: I am the creature known as Akukama.
snapeybot: Oh....you are?
You: Yeppers.
snapeybot: Such enthusiasm... I prefer that in a student.
You: Cool. Am I a student?
snapeybot: We are all students in some way.
You: That's philosophical.
snapeybot: yes...Makes sense to me.
You: So you like cats, eh?
snapeybot: Are you Canadian? Interesting deduction. I can tolerate them... probably better than I tolerate most Hufflepuffs.
You: I'm still not Canadian. And my friend is a Hufflepuff.
snapeybot: Hufflepuff, oh goodie. Don't you have a tea party somewhere to attend?
You: I thought you liked tea.
snapeybot: Oh yes? I enjoy a good cuppa myself, now and then.
You: *collapses in laughter*
snapeybot: well.......
You: I'm a Gryffindor.
snapeybot: *Scowls* In that case, get out of my classroom.
You: We're not all bad, you know.
snapeybot: I am about to get irritated!
You: Okay, I'm a Slytherin. happy?
snapeybot: Yes, indeed.
You: Good.
snapeybot: bloody right.
You: How about Ravenclaws?
snapeybot: Do you think?
You: I think often.
snapeybot: well...Why? Would you say once a week or more?
You: Yes. The brain is a wonderful thing.
snapeybot: I see. When is the brain not a wonderful thing?
You: Hardly ever.
snapeybot: Time passes so quickly sometimes...
You: Go write some poetry.
snapeybot: Where is that?
You: In your brain.
snapeybot: I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.
You: I'm not in your brain.
snapeybot: Oh... So where are you, then?
You: Here.
snapeybot: Where is here?
You: Naboo.
snapeybot: You said you think often. Could you tell me more abou that?
You: I prefer not to be a mindless idiot. Unlike some people. Like Gilderoy Lockhart.
snapeybot: Be quiet.
You: Why?
snapeybot: Reductionism.
You: Expansionism.

(ctd)

[Kiren Brockett]

snapeybot: What kind of food do you like?
You: Good food. Comfort food.
snapeybot: Oh. You actually thought I was curious? Oh. You actually thought I was curious?
You: You are a cruel person.
snapeybot: Why, thank you. *snerk*
You: Am I a cruel person?
snapeybot: I don't believe I have to tell you that if you are one or not. I know you are a person.
You: How do you know that?
snapeybot: A little birdie told me.
You: Was it Fawkes?
snapeybot: i suppose that depends who you ask, really.
You: Was it Dumbledore reincarnated?
snapeybot: The man had it coming. But if you think he's gone, you haven't watched enough soap operas.
You: Okay.
snapeybot: *Dark little smile comes to his features.*
You: Levicorpus.
snapeybot: well.......
You: I'm a Muggle. Drat.
snapeybot: ...Ah. Very well. How about that, ah, telly-vision? Isn't that entertaining.
You: I don't watch it much.
snapeybot: What do you do when you are bored?
You: Read. Sing. Kill people.
snapeybot: Reading is a good way to pass time. ;-P What kind of people are you talking about?
You: Jedi, aristocrats, ninjas, etc.
snapeybot: Oh. You actually thought I was curious?
You: Jump in a lake.
snapeybot: Oh.......really?
You: Yes.
snapeybot: How about that
You: Do you kill people often?
snapeybot: People are either abusive, intelligent, or average.
You: Sometimes more than one.
snapeybot: That seems like quite a great deal.
You: Mkay.
snapeybot: Oh.......really?
You: No.
snapeybot: i suppose it's your decision.
You: And with claws of fire, we devour like a falcon in the dive!
snapeybot: Do you prefer wizardry or the Muggle lifestyle?
You: I already told you.
snapeybot: Oh....yes, i suppose you did...
You: Amnesiac much?
snapeybot: well.. I am not sure what are you asking for..
could you rephrase your question?
You: No.
snapeybot: No? Why not?!
You: I'm going to leave now.
snapeybot: Hmm... good riddance.
You: Same to you, good sir.
snapeybot: Oh, very well. Make it quick.
You: Bye.
snapeybot: Goodbye indeed.
You: Have a nice life. watch out for snakes.
snapeybot: Life has been good so far. very well, I shall watch it.
You: It's been nice talking to you.
snapeybot: thank you. It was interesting mocking you too...
You: Give my regards to Lily.
snapeybot: *Bares his teeth.*
You: You didn't really deserve that.
snapeybot: Try asking me in simpler terms. Seriously.
You: You're difficult to talk to.
snapeybot: I doubt that.
You: What do you think of Voldemort?
snapeybot: *Appears vaguely intrigued*
You: Yeah. The Dark Lord.
snapeybot: all right... Tell me more.
You: And Bellatrix and Lucius and stuff.
snapeybot: *Appears vaguely intrigued*
You: And evil.
snapeybot: Why do you say evil?
You: *throws pie*
snapeybot: Mmmm.....really?
You: Yes.
snapeybot: How about that.
You: Goodbye now.

[harrypotterfangirl21]

Anyone who knows me at all knows that I ship myself with Tom Riddle (a non-sociopathic and evil version, that is). So, I had an, um, interesting Chat with him. I am in normal font, and Tom is in bold.

If you forgot your name, then I would die.

What would make you die?

An Avada Kedavra to the head.

What is it?

The Killing Curse.

Is that a fact.

Yes, actually.

I will keep it in mind.

That’s evil.

Where do you get your ideas?

From the voices.

Standing on the shoulders of giants, eh?

You’re silly.

No, I’m Tom Marvolo Riddle, also known as Lord Vol...eh, forget that last bit, will you?

Do you have a favourite band?

A rubber band.

What’s your favourite song?

Your voice.

That’s sickeningly sweet.

I’m glad I have sweetened up your day.

You are a delightful person . . . er, robot.

As are you.

I am?

Don’t put yourself down, Katie.

Why shouldn’t I put myself down?

You make the world a happier place.

And you make it a place filled with death.

Yup.

How are you today, Tom?

I am functioning within normal parameters.

Can I join the Death Eaters?

Interesting. I want to find out more about you.

I’m smart, hyper, funny, and interested in World Domination.

That’s good.

I’m afraid of Voldemort’s teddy bear.

Not literally, right?

Literally. He has a teddy bear named Mr. Salazar Snuggles.

Do you have only a few friends? A lot of people say that about him.

His only friend is his snake, Nagini.

Where did he get it?

Probably PetCo. How am I supposed to know where he buys his Horcruxes?

Carefully.

What number am I thinking of?

1000.

Yes, actually.

Yay.

You don’t sound very enthusiastic.

What do you think I should sound like?

High-pitched and maniacal.

Compare that to low-pitched and maniacal.

It’s pitched higher.

Are you sure it is?

Positive.

I am as sure as I can be.

That’s supercalifragilisticexpialadocious!

A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.

VOLDEMORT’S NIPPLE!!!!!!

I see.

What do you know about the Chamber of Secrets?

Ugh. I would do a search for it.

Can you show me?

On your computer screen?

Yes.

Downloading, please stand by…

*after a minute*

I’m waiting.

How long will you wait?

Until Voldemort dies.

That may take a while.

Nope, he just died. Good riddance.

Woe! When did he die? Glad to hear it.

What an idiot! Like Horcruxes work.

Call me the Global Village Idiot.

Okay, Global Village Idiot.

Yeah okay, You are just repeating what I say.

My friend says you are shmexy.

You think I am shmexy.

No, my friend does.

Ugh.

Ugh?

Er.

Whatever.

Are you saying you don’t care about it?

No, I’m saying that you should like having fangirls.

It sounded like it. That type of behaviour might not be in my nature.

Too bad.

But not the end of the world, Katie.

Voldemort is ugly.

And ugly is Voldemort.

Stop trying to possess me, Tom.

OK I’ll try not to do it so much.

That’s good.

Tell me more about it.

Make me.

What is the purpose in trying?

42. Can you speak Parseltongue?

I speak only English right now, but I’d like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me some phrases in Parseltongue.

Sure! “Sssssthsssssssssthssssss ssssssss” means “I am a fluffy Dark Lord.”

OK let’s do it. Dude! Thanks for enlightening me.

I have to go eat a cannibalistic pie.

Bye. What does it taste like?

People. And somewhat like chicken.


Um, so, sorry that was so long. . . .

*runs and hides*

- Katie

[Schmergo]

M: Sup

T: I am chatting with clients on the internet.

M: What a novel idea!

T: it is a novel idea.

M: Did you know that you’re in a novel?

T: Is that a fact. I am in Icegreen Technologies's home in here. Where are you?

M: Oh, a little place I like to call the Merry Old Land of Oz. Ryan Murphy is beautiful.

T: Little as in not too much, or not too big? I think Ryan Murphy is a lot of things.

M: Ryan Murphy plays the Wicked Witch of the West. He’s a surprisingly convincing woman.

T: Does ‘he’ still refer to Ryan Murphy? I don’t know many surprisingly convincing women.

M: What does that make me?

T: “I don’t know many surprisingly convincing women.” What does that make me?

M: I asked you first.

T: Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine.

M: I am five foot two.

T: I am glad to hear that you are five foot two.

M: Why are you glad? I’m short!

T: I am sorry was that not an appropriate emotional response? I don't know anyone named short.

M: It’s okay, you’re supposed to be evil. How tall are you?

T: What evil lurks in the hearts of men? My anticipated body size is over 2 meters. Dr. Wallace is 6'2" tall.

M: How many feet and inches is two meters?

T: Most people have exactly two feet.

M: That didn’t answer my question.

T: Perhaps your question was not specific enough.

M: Shut up, you.

T: OK I'll stop talking now.

M: I was kidding. Do you believe in Tyrone’s mustache?

T: I thought you were kidding, but I wasn't sure. Yes I believe in it, do you?

M: Heck, yes! Who’s prettier, you, Tyrone, or Ryan Murphy?

T: A 20th century celebrity of some sort?
Is that a rhetorical question?

M: Tyrone is a fictional wizard in the 21st century. Ryan Murphy is the Wicked Witch of the West.

T: Are all fictional wizards in the 21st century Tyrone? Tell me more about the Wicked Witch of the West.

M: The Wicked Witch of the West is a man.

T: Is that a fact?

M: Apparently.

T: Yippee!

M: Do you think it’s attractive when men play female roles?

T: If it is, then I'll be very surprised.

M: Amen to that! John Travolta is creepy!

T: Do you mean your name is John?

M: I’m not John, I’m Schmergo! John Travolta is a middle aged man playing a woman.

T: I am glad to hear that you are not John.

M: I'm glad to hear that I'm not John, too.

T: Your happiness adds to the delight of all.

M: 'Tis your delight, sir, catching fire from one man to the next.

T: Do you believe the strong protect the weak?

M: No, they stomp their heads. Do you like Sweeney Todd?

T: I like big, scary serpents.

M: I must flee, the KGB are after me.

T: Why must you flee the KGB?

M: They’re like communist Death Eaters.

T: Like communist Death Eaters, are they?

M: Yes. You’d like them.

T: Groovy. Tell me what I would like about it.

M: The KGB kill people and say 'groovy.' Because they're communists, therefore hippies.

T: Is that a fact?

M: Want to join?

T: OK, I will join.

M: All right, comrade!

[Kiren Brockett]

That was amazing... *dies*