Schmergo
Trusted Girls
Voice of Truth and Insanity
REAL men wear frou-frou!
Posts: 2,558
|
Post by Schmergo on Jun 13, 2007 5:39:40 GMT -5
There's something called the "Badfic Awards" where there's a list of summaries of Harry Potter fanfictions that sound REALLY bad. Here are some of the real ones: A dark past is revealed. Cho has yet another dream. Nagini plans to take matters into her own hands. ( Because snakes have hands, right.)A decade ago, Draco fled his home, and gland, and met Morigyn. (Fled his gland...)A human can swallow a pint of blood before they get sick, a little more than that if you drink it enough.I am Draco's undying sense of realism, but no one cares. (Actually, I think that that person's my undying sense of surrealism...)A story of pain and sorrow, not intented for comfort or laughter...a story that remains untold, on of abuse and blood...telling of a shattered girl who learned to twist a heart of stone into one of warm gold. This is not a story for the faint of heart, nor the happy in spirit. But for those who are able to understand what it means to be hurt...to watch as a girl's spirit is shattered like glass upon concrete. Watch as she melts the young master's heart of ice, and watch as she helps him heal. She has no name, but his...is Señor Draco. (Ole.) A tragic love story taking place aboard the Titanic. Harry's great-grandma and grandma meet on this ship, only to fall in love and...lose one another. (Ummm... technically, wouldn't Harry not be born if his grandparents died on the Titanic?)A wolf battling a consionsius, he is a wolf without a love. (Oooh, I'd hate to battle that darn consionsius.)A young Muggle girl finds her way into Hogwarts and also into the infamous Potions Master. (Ulp.)After adramatic ending to Harrys fifth year Harry is swept to a new year at Howarts. Harry knows Voldemort will not go there but there may just be a trader in the mist. (The mist clears, and a man is standing there saying, "Do you wanna... barter?")After the Fourth Year, emotions whirlwind through Harry as he deals with Cedric's death, falls in love with Colin, and then Draco. All the while changing his perception of Good and Evil and his look from Dork to Goth. (0_0) After the war, Lucius became Harry's slave and soul mate. This is the story of their children. No slash. (What?? Slash is when two people of the same gender are in love. Are they saying Lucius is female or something?) An Orange Boy joins harry in his seventh year he has strange powers and a tail will he help harry or join voldermort. (An Orange Boy... I'm imagining an Oompa Loompa...)Animals are occasionally thrown in to add 'spunk' to the story as well. (Yes, that's the entire summary.)Apollo and Anakin are twin's. They were adopted and grew up in America, only now to find out they are the offspring of Lord Volemort. They have decided to attend Hogwart's. (Not a rip-off at all, I assume.)Brindi Lin Holliday Kariell was born naturaly, like most children are, except for the part about being burried six feet underground three days before she was born. (That's normal!)But what is up with his Vladimir guy? (That's the whole summary. For some reason, it's my favourite so far, I think.)Dewey is an American. Dewey is Ten. Dewey is going to Hogwarts because he is also Eleven. (All right, then. I guess that's what his magical power is.)Does the Malfoy's pet blue wolf know more than she lets on? (For some reason, I find that funny...)"Don't judge a man until you've walked to moons in his moccasins," Ixchel the Anchoress warned Ron. What a grim omen that was. (Because Voldemort's moccasins REALLY SMELL.)Draco corners Ginny with a muffin cause he doesn't think she's eating right, Ginny refuses to eat it... romance develops. (Heck, how could a romance NOT develop! It's so darn romantic! MUFFIN OR DEATH!)Draco has a white rose. The rose is stained with Harry Potter's blood, sweat and tears. It stands in a glass cabinet suspended by Magic on Draco's desk. The nymphs in the snow globe next to it are scared of it. (Is the rose scared of the nymphs as well?)Draco is part Veela, Harry can control Time, a Mermish princess and a Dragon? (I want to control Time, a Mermish Princess, and a Dragon!)More to come...
|
|
demonchild
Trusted Guys
Repeat After Me: "I will NEVER give in to peer pressure"
Posts: 196
|
Post by demonchild on Jun 13, 2007 6:06:02 GMT -5
Wow...that was...totally...pointless
|
|
vampirate321
Trusted Girls
Aku is the First Vampirate
XD *stare, stare, drool, drool* so says Vammool Vamilla Vamerine Vamilstein van Vamheusen, PhD
Posts: 991
|
Post by vampirate321 on Jun 13, 2007 10:42:58 GMT -5
hehehe, ole!!
|
|
Schmergo
Trusted Girls
Voice of Truth and Insanity
REAL men wear frou-frou!
Posts: 2,558
|
Post by Schmergo on Jun 13, 2007 16:10:02 GMT -5
MORE!
Draco Malfoy has a great life. No, scratch that. Draco Malfoy has a perfect life. He has everything he ever wanted. What happens he gets paired with Harry Potter, the mysterious quiet kid with waist length hair and painted nails for a long-term project?
Draco Malfoy is 17...nothing wrong with that, right? Well, there is. Apparently in his family there is a slight fluke, and in his 7th year at Hogwarts he finds himself being in heat, and every girl on him like a pack of dogs on a three legged cat... all except Hermione.
Draco, for no discernible reason, has decided to walk to San Francisco.
Elsarinxzarlas Calsarracktik (Xzar Cal for short) is a student going to Hogwarts in Harrys First year.
For those interested, the banana scene is inspired by my friend who can actually perform that little trick... (Entire summary)
Ginny is finally over her diary phobia, and her newest entries are very inserting.
Ginny ponders about how she would go about eating Harry's soul.
Ginny starts a Hogwarts News Paper. It seem's like a good idea at first but she never heard the saying Cruisty killed the cat. One person can save her from the most unhumman doom but will he?
Ginny Weasley spills six Shrinking Potions above Snape's head, and now she has to face the consequences of her clumsiness
Hagrid accidentally kills Proff.Dumbledor, and tries to act like it never happened for fear of returning to Azkaban. Everything seems to be going well until Harry, Ron and Hermione find out.Should they tell on their longtime friend or keep quiet?
Harry comes into his inheritance when he turns 17 and he furry.
Harry decides to be a vegetarian because of an accident that occured dealing with Ron and a pig.
Harry finds an odd serenity with a bike next to a polluted pond (with a little help from a certain former teacher, of course.) A Beatles Songfic.
Harry teaches his friend Rebbi (a muggle who I just made up) about the magic in wind.
Harry's love life takes a hectic roller coaster turn while Voldemort lurks in his wake, thirsting for Potter's blood ..All while singing some songs!
He fell through the veil and was announced dead. But he wasn't. And when he comes back, can she keep her emotions to herself? Or will she reveal them along with some yummy lunch munchies!
"Hello," a voice from behind Hermione spoke in the Aussie tongue... He had a baby face, but probably was older than he looked. His mysterious cerulean eyes accented his high cheekbones. The eyes on this man were very distinguished with their wide-elliptical shape and pale golden ring around the outer blue.
Hermione is about to get married. It's a shame that she's already Mrs. Snape and has been since she was born.
Hermione opens an herb shop. Luna uses a butterfly as a metaphor for Snape. Luna has a daughter? The best way to catch an Obsidian Butterfly is to use a net, so Luna says.
Hermione wants Draco badly, she's desperate and kisses him. Draco's frightened and turns gay just for the cause.
Hopelessness doesn't float. It glides on the wind, and then falls down and hits you on the head.
Hrrry is raised by lions. Typical right? Not when Harry grows up in Africa, never knowing his ture heritage......
I don't know what this is about, read it, cos I'm pretty.
I had to write a story for two different graphs in math class, and this is what I came up with.
If Percy Weasly was a girl and Draco Malfoy had an elder brother who was later hushed up and all charecters were a bit out of charecter then you would have this fic.
it is your last rear at hogwarts and there are somethings about to change?
It turns out Snape is a What!
Its the annual staff Christmas party! Severus brings his jellyfish wife and Hermione gets serenaded.
"I've never felt this way before. It's like having a giant clump of dandelions shoved into your mouth and then choking on them. Or getting a labotomy only halfway finished. Maybe I just need to see a shrink. Or maybe... I just need to see her"
James isn't Harry dad Voldemort is. Lilly is a pureblood while her sister is a squid. Dumbledore makes Lily marry James to make everyone think Harry's is James. They could not fool Voldemort.
Life isn't a pretty pink flowerbed, people. It's a freakin bed of blood and dead stuff
Mega Percy ouchies.
My (and a friend's) take on frizzy's Veela!DracoMate!Harry concept. Only with Snape in a blue dress with pale lace due to his rather eccentric Aunt Sylvia. Gives the story a whole new flavor, I think.
|
|
Schmergo
Trusted Girls
Voice of Truth and Insanity
REAL men wear frou-frou!
Posts: 2,558
|
Post by Schmergo on Jun 14, 2007 5:40:35 GMT -5
Lily Evans, this generation's Slayer, has just recently been re-assigned to a remote Scottish Village named Hogsmeade.
Nobody knows how Harry had Lily and James.
Not your average 'Snape saves the Dursley's' story.
Olvier Wood must fight a Vixen (aka Sirius) of romance and justice!
Once upon a time, a stag and a tigerlilly were the proud parents of of a lion cub, but when the black snake attacked, the lion cub disappeared...
Painful memories affect us in ways we can't even imagine. For Ginny Weasley, they are a daily way of life. One especially sticks out in her mind: Tom's unexplainable hatred of wet hair. Unable to deal this memory any longer, she flees Gryffindor Tower in an attempt to escape the pain through a sucidial free-fall from an Astromony Tower, only to fall a murder by the hands of Tom himself.
"People never handle things, Hermione," Remus told her. "They just harbor them until their docks are full." He paused, noting the soggy texture of the balustrade's wood beneath his fingers. "And some people have very large docks."
Rated R for the obvious reasons. Featuring Snape. Do not read if you are offended by such things.
Remus Witting who changes his last name to Lupin when he is 24 after something happend to his best friend Kathrine. ummmmmmm sirius, naricissia, lilly, and petunia are his brother and sisters they all change their last names too, Cassie Witting their mother changes to Minerva Mcgonnall and Professor Dumbledore before he was a professor was Kathrines father. takes back when Remus is 6. there will be a sequal. romance between his brother Jacob and Kathrine. oh yea um Belltrix and Andromeada r his sisters too. pls r/r.
Ron is a quidditch star and on his team there is a new member. Krista Stevens the new chaser for the Cuddly Cannons.
Ron is visciously attakced by a wereflamingoe, aka Severus Snape.
Ronald is in a cave with Draco and has the sudden urge to sing.. (really sad)
Ryan and Mac are two wizards from the United States of America who are taking part in an exchange program with Hogwarts. Ryan is gay and falls for Fred. Where as Mac is striate and falls for George.
Severus is pregnant for the last 18 years, and he isn't a Death Eater. Lucius is a spy for the light and Sirius had a big problem here.
Severus Snape Out Of Character Female
She has a scar on her forehead shaped like a slytherin, but, it lights up when she's mean or angry.
Sir Elton John and Draco Malfoy combine to create the ultimate window to Draco's soul.
Sirius Black had never seen a head of hair quite as unique as James Potter’s. It vaguely reminded him of the time when he’d accidentally run his mother’s cat, Sooty, through the tumble-dryer when he was seven.
Sixth year story. Petunia has changed weirdly. Are Draco and Harry falling for the same gal?
Snape tutors student, student and Snape get on each other's nerves, crazy bow-chicka-bow-bow making out ensues
The children of Ron and Hermione, Harry and Kelly, Snape and Luna, and Draco Malfoy face ordinary teen angst at the height of Dracula's power.
The hatred of Sirius Black and Severus Snape is further explained when a new DADA Prof. is pulled out of the sorting hat.
(THE SUPENUSE!!!0.0 IT'S MIND BOOGLEING!!!)
They say that no man is an island. Harry doesn't know what to make of this--because he isn't a Tarzan ape-man hybrid.
This is a fanfic between Snape’s lust for his android. Snape is age 49 and this android is atomically correct.
|
|
|
Post by Kiren Brockett on Jun 14, 2007 11:52:43 GMT -5
The Herd of the Western Wind Voldemort Hunter tribe has just been introduced at Hogwarts, and Eowyn Tolkien, the chieftess, is making it popular through her three friends Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Join Eowyn in the rituals and chants! (Nice name.)
"There's a difference between me and you Voldemort. One I'm good and your evil. Two Good ALWAYS overcomes evil. And three I got death on my side" Harry said simply with a smirk. Well hello! If u didn't already know, I'll be doing a love triangle between Cho, Ginny, Padma, and Harry! Hope u like it!!! (Wow. A four-sided love triangle and three differences for the price of one.)
this is a story. A teary story in which you'd cry afterwards. You'll be so happy and you'll like it! It's a story about words and chickens
This is Hermione being a Salazar. I know weird. But i read a fic like this and i luved. She becomes someone else altogether. And i know she looks like an Avery. But she has to be a Salazar for the plot.
This is the world, of Ron Stoppable.
Voldemort, little bug; now u go squish!
Voldemort's 15 kids are followers. All except one. Mortisha is the only one who realized that the girls' names mean evil things. Mortisha needs to stop her father!
Welcome to the life of Velvetum Vexare. (Great. Can I leave now?)
What can a young Harry Potter do, when his family bathes in the light while he showers in darkness? (Perhaps, change the lightbulb in his bathroom?)
"What light through yonder window break? For it is the east and Draco the sun…" Yup, u guessed it a Harry PotterDraco Malfoy slash- a.u. Its Shakespeare people! And its AWSOM!
What would happen if Professor McGonagall had two beautiful nieces that went to school with the Marauders, and one of them had a pet tiger and the other had a psychic cat?
When a new girl comes to America, she's caught every one's eye, including Harry and Draco. (Including Ragetti's.)
Who are these unruly black hair and greened eyed men?
Who has the Magic eyeballs that will allow Voldemort to return? (Oooh, I know: the immigrant girl from two stories ago.)
|
|
Schmergo
Trusted Girls
Voice of Truth and Insanity
REAL men wear frou-frou!
Posts: 2,558
|
Post by Schmergo on Jun 14, 2007 12:03:04 GMT -5
To every girl that's ever wanted to be kissed by Draco Malfoy with your last breath. And die by the hands of him.
Told out of chronological order to keep it intresting.
Two duelists meet in the dead of night. On the battleground, they stand, awaiting the dance fever to overtake them.
Us. I’ve started to call my miasma and I an ‘us’. I tried to tell myself for the longest time that she was nothing but a simple sweet cloud of delicious poison. I am the serpent after all, poison doesn’t hurt me.
Voldermont's rain has begun
Voldermorts.daugther.talks.out.if.this.is.liked.as.i.hope.it.is.i.write. the.story.up.that.inspired.it..and.no.Voldermort.does.not.have.a.daughter
What happens when Snape's over sexed twin comes to Hogwarts and makes everyone think he's the Potions Master-Lemon... I lost my Beta.
When Harry falls ill with an age-old wizarding disease, he becomes pray to help in the rebirth of a matriarchal massacre.
"When you’re so lost you want to rip your organs out through your throat and smear them all over everyone around you, just so they know that you exist..."
Who are you when your parents are the most famous Trio in the wizarding world?
Will Ginny accept Draco's preposition!
Will Hermione find love in a snake? Will her new friends help her on this terrible journey?
Zeporiap Luz always knew she was different.
I think that's it. I love these, they're so funny!
|
|
Schmergo
Trusted Girls
Voice of Truth and Insanity
REAL men wear frou-frou!
Posts: 2,558
|
Post by Schmergo on Jun 14, 2007 12:03:30 GMT -5
Now everyone, discuss your favourites!
|
|
|
Post by Kiren Brockett on Jun 14, 2007 12:18:14 GMT -5
Like all great wizarding authors, Ron has decided that he needs grow a beard.
Harry's celebrating his fifth birthday the same as always. A gift from Hagrid, Ron, Hermoine, and a letter from Sirius.
When Lavender Brown writes a letter to the world, it leaves people at Hogwarts stunned and they react in letters to you, the world.
Voldemort was the Heir of Slytherin, which means he's destined for power, just as Harry was destined to kill him. But that was not destiny, it was God's plan.
Meanwhile, Hermione is staying at stately Malfoy Manor. Little does she know that Lucius Malfoy is really Batwizard and his young son is Dragon, Boy Wonder...
Whether it is money or prejudices, something's got to be flushed down the toilet.
The Dark Lord who would go to the end of the world for his princess.
Unless.... an old friend and an old enemy untie.
Extremely descriptive.
To destroy yourself all but completely indicates pure love.
Severus Snape contemplates alone in his quarters. He watches a spider scuttle along the floor and makes friends with it.
|
|
salthegemini
Trusted Girls
I'm a Purple Weredragon Bookworm Thing!
Posts: 516
|
Post by salthegemini on Jun 14, 2007 13:36:18 GMT -5
WOOOOWWWW.....some of those were rather funny......and others....defied logic..........that's about all I can say on that one......
|
|
Schmergo
Trusted Girls
Voice of Truth and Insanity
REAL men wear frou-frou!
Posts: 2,558
|
Post by Schmergo on Jun 14, 2007 14:24:38 GMT -5
My favourite one, for some reason, is the "But what is up with this Vladimir guy?" I always imagine Vlad from "Carpe Jugulum" eating the garlic puff and going, "Well, I AM one," which is possibly one of the best quotes ever.
I also like the white rose stained with Harry's bodily fluids (the nymphs in the snow globe next to it are scared of it), the Harry-raised-by-lions (typical, right?), the one about Ginny trying to kill herself because of Tom's horrible phobia of wet hair, the Elton John window in Draco's soul, Snape's love for his android (because he did the voice of Marvin the Paranoid Android... I found that ironic), AWSOME Shakespeare (the typo made it hilarious), magic eyeballs, Ron growing a beard,
ANNNND... Senor Draco, of course!
|
|
|
Post by kanegunlock on Jun 14, 2007 19:59:45 GMT -5
All I have to say to these is W-T-F!
|
|
Schmergo
Trusted Girls
Voice of Truth and Insanity
REAL men wear frou-frou!
Posts: 2,558
|
Post by Schmergo on Jun 15, 2007 5:26:37 GMT -5
Ah, you mean the acronym for "What tom foolery?"
|
|
|
Post by kanegunlock on Jun 15, 2007 21:27:52 GMT -5
sorta kinda but a little more valgor
|
|
mousemaylikecheese
Trusted Girls
And by the way, Monsieur Marius, I think that I was a little bit in love with you.
Posts: 322
|
Post by mousemaylikecheese on Jun 18, 2008 15:12:29 GMT -5
There is actually a rather funny fanfiction called Transfiguration for Adults that includes a wereflamingo!Snape--as the result of a spell gone wrong. It's not really adult content, other than a slight mispronounciation that gives people the impression that some girl wants to become a man... He does attack Ron, slightly, but he was just kind of mad because of what Ron said.
I like your acronym explanation, schmergo!
And, yes, there's that immigrant girl making sure that everybody's eyes.... You know, somebody should write a parody story in which people have wooden horcrux eyes. A wee bit crazy you know...Parallel to Barbossa's piece-of-eight!
|
|
Schmergo
Trusted Girls
Voice of Truth and Insanity
REAL men wear frou-frou!
Posts: 2,558
|
Post by Schmergo on Jun 18, 2008 18:36:27 GMT -5
Three of my own fanfiction summaries were posted on a site for humorously bad fanfic descriptions. ^_^ Well, if you count Voldy's Deathpants, which was written with a team of three high-calibre fanfic authors who made me look like a kindergartener.
|
|
|
Post by timtheenchanter on Jun 18, 2008 18:43:11 GMT -5
Oh dear, Schmergo!
Actually, I'd like to read those three horrible summaries, if you don't mind. Could you provide the link to that site with the "Badfic Awards," please? You've piqued my curiosity.
Tim the Enchanter
|
|
Schmergo
Trusted Girls
Voice of Truth and Insanity
REAL men wear frou-frou!
Posts: 2,558
|
Post by Schmergo on Jun 18, 2008 18:47:19 GMT -5
Well, these are all from different sites, and the one mine were on only had summaries from MNFF, which has rather stricter fanfiction guidelines than the... Senor Draco type fics. Most of the ones I posted came from McTabby's livejournal: mctabby.livejournal.com/tag/summary+executions The page that this link goes to is an archiving of ALL of her entries about badfic summaries. The one mine was on was a different lj: elanor-x.livejournal.com/41036.html
|
|
|
Post by timtheenchanter on Jun 18, 2008 19:30:17 GMT -5
GAAAHHHH!
Well, I just went on the elanor livejournal link and discovered two of my own story summaries. However, her criteria for the summaries is this:
My criterion for choosing summaries is their being funny, not the fic's badness. If I am highly amused by a summary, I think probably other people will enjoy reading it too for one reason or another. Since a summary is supposed to make people want to read a fic, its' being funny is a plus (if it’s intentionally funny, of course).
Anyway, here are my summaries that are posted. Note that these actually come with the fic's title, and these are the most recent versions of my summaries:
Out of the Darkness
The war against Voldemort is not going well. The Ministry of Magic has fallen and the Order of the Phoenix is scattered. Harry Potter and his friends are ruthlessly hunted by Voldemort and his Death Eaters. There is no end in sight for our heroes…
BUT SUDDENLY, OUT OF THE DARKNESS, ABSURDITY INTERVENES!
Comments by list maker: DH in four sentences!
Yelling Yourself Yellow With Yetis
What happens when you mix the Chinese military, Magizoologists, militant animal rights activists, Tibetan nationalists, wizarding bureaucrats, and a mad escaped yeti (besides chaos)?
You yell yourself yellow of course! Whatever that means…
Tim the Enchanter
|
|
Schmergo
Trusted Girls
Voice of Truth and Insanity
REAL men wear frou-frou!
Posts: 2,558
|
Post by Schmergo on Jun 18, 2008 19:51:44 GMT -5
*Internet-mockery victim high-five*
Though it's really more of a hall of fame than an insult... Yeah, your summaries seem quite good candidates for an 'insane summary' award.
|
|