Post Wacky Neopian Conversations Here!

[Schmergo]

I only use the neoboards on neopets, and only during the summer.

Well, it's summer, and guess what I've been doing?

Here are the contents of a board called "I Am Snape, The Potions Master." I am the purple letter, and I was trying to convince people that I was Snape:

Hellllooo, children.

I am Severus Snape.

No, really.

Now turn to page 394, or I shall school you in the subtle art and exact science of detention. Don't MAKE me drip my greasy hair on you.

Let's go bother Snape!

Right-O!

BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER!!!

No! Don't bother me! I shall prod you with my large and freakish nose, you naughty child!

god and that james kid douted I was sane
What bout u!

Hehehehe. BOTHER!!

JAMES?! Did you say James? DO NOT MENTION JAMES "THE WALRUS" POTTER.

Detention, Miss Rad_glow_stixz! You must write fifty time, "I shall not be a twit!" Now brew me a Forgiveness Potion and I may have a modicum of mercy for you.

yay and im paris hilton oh get a life

Sit down, Miss Hilton. I do not tolerate talk like that in my classroom.

SoooOOOooOOO, d0es any0ne kn0w what p0ti0n is created by an inf00sion of asph0del and w0rmw00d?

What? I can be a 1337 professor if I like. Stop smirking or I shall be forced to berate you severely with a cactus.



YAy! sonic is here to save us!!

Sonic? I do not allow hedgehogs in my classroom. Unless I am dissecting them for a potion. If this "Sonic" does not wish to be part of a potion, tell him to vacate these premises at once.

NOBODY TALKS TO MY HEDGEHOG LIKE THAT. I OUGHT TO SPLIT YOU IN HALF AND EAT ALL YOUR INSIDES. I OUGHT TO RIP OUT YOUR HAIRS SLICE OPEN YOUR HEART, TAKE ALL THE ICKYNESS OUT AND FILL IT WITH YOUR GRIMY GREASY HAIR!!!

Oh Sanpe, I know what you did last week...

Really, Miss Murdocobsessedmaniac? What did I do last week?

I know what you did last week. You failed my exam, that's what. DETENTION.

I was hiding under your bed, youre disgusting by the way. And isnt it abvious your supposed to call me 'Stalker'? Dont make me get the owner of my soul in here.

no.

I HATE SNAPE!

How dare you, Miss Kitkatluvr? I don't need to be a Legilimens to hear slanderous talk like that, and I am frankly shocked.

Do not make me force you to drink this WEASELS STUCK TO YOUR FACE POTION.

LMAO!

OOoooh, Snapey! *pulls out wand* avadacadavra!


AVOCADO-CADAVER!

Mwhahaha! Dead avocados will smoosh on your head! That's what happened to MY hair, and it never recovered.

Fear my Snapey wrath. Don't MAKE me SNAPE my fingers in a Dark Mark formation!

I'm gonna have to start singing...O.o

trent_reznor, could it be a duet?

Now, I want a six-thousand word from all of you chillldreeennn about how... er... The Effect Of Snape's Pwnz0rzness On Submissive, Sniveling Little Children.

Or a drunken Filch will be waiting in the dungeons with a croquet mallet and a rutabaga.

i killed filch, i submerged him in boiling flesh

ZOMG! Can I be Santa Clause???

Myesss. You may be Santa Claus.

Now, sit down, Mr. Claus, and explain to me exactly how you decide whether I belong on the Naughty list or the Nice list.

No one else can seem to decide.

That's Miss Clause to you. Mr. Clause died. I am his terribly named daughter. I don't do lists anymore. I just chuck random items at people.

I am Zulu, Queen of the Dwarf People of Mars!

If I sucked up to you, the best potion master there ever was, would I get good grades?

Yay! Now what should we sing?

Jingle Bell Rock. ^^

Let's do it!

~*Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock!*~

I HATE JINGLE BELL ROCK.

SILENCE, IMBECILES!

You will sit down brew your potions until your nobby little elbows scream for mercy from the horrible strain!

-audible laughter-, its ok, alot of people talk to me like that

Oh my. Will a sugar cookie shaped like a Christmas tree make you feel better?

Ok,then. WHat do you want to sing?

I also loathe Jingle Bell Rock.

I detest Christmas. Santa Claus never brings me ANYTHING but a lump of dried-up orange play-do stuck to a fuzzy half-eaten peppermint.

Bah humbug.

But that's the best kind of gift! Everyone else usually gets raisins glued together in the shape of raindeer.

Potions??? No way. I make socks. -chucks purple socks at you-

*grabs Snape by the collar* Listen Mate, you better learn to shut your face or Ill do it for you, got it?

Now where is that insufferable Potter, and that slimy little Dorko Mouth-boy? If I catch them cutting class one more time... I... I'll make them trade hairdos!

Yes! That would be deliciously dastardly!

Potter: here I am!

No, I'm over here!

No, here!

Me: Shut up! *grabs Christmas cookie and chucks at his head* there! now you have TWO scars!

Ack! That is NOT what Christmas tree cookies are for! I think I should reinstate the list policy. -sigh-

There ought to be more disgusting little maggots... I mean... pupils in this class? Where are they all? Kissing in broom cupboards and throwing rotten eggs and house elves at Miss Norris, no doubt.

Balderdash, it matters not to me. They'll all get detention in any case, and then they'll be sorry.

What should we sing?

I know only one song, and this is it:

You despise everyone, and everyone despises you
None of this surprises you
When you are Snape
The endless halls of the school of witchcraft and wizardry
Fill you up with... misery
When you are Snape
Oh, nooo...
But it's okay to feel like Snape
To feel so sad and grumpity
Just relax, there's no escape
At least you're in good company...
That's me!

I'm sorry about that. Here (pulls out brand new cookie* I baked it myself!

Miss Clause does not serve detention. She is a habitual truant.

Yes, Miss Clause, well some would argue that you do not exist and I therefore cannot give you detention.

But I've given detention to the tooth fairy, the Brave Little Toaster, Big Bird, every single power ranger except the yellow one, Artemis Fowl, the Spice Girls (that was my favourite detention), Optimus Prime, and Darth Vader.

What's to stop me now?

Not sure. Elves?

No. Elves cower in my presence. They quiver in the massive, imposing shadow cast by my vast nose.

You think you can hold us in a mere detention room? We are mighty! We are invincible! We are the TRUANT SQUAD!

If you try to leave, I will breathe on you with my foul, festering, garlicky breath and send you to the awaiting arms of the eternal sleep of DEATH!

*chucks tic-tacs at him* That's what you think! ATTACK!

Well, you must not have met toy-making elves. They can be pretty feisty, especially if you take away their expresso.

Yes, well, I find they are quite cooperative when I threaten them with socks.

Most elves are terrified of the prospect of clothing.

My socks are even worse because they haven't been washed for thirty-seven years and are full of my Snapey stench!

My elves absolutely love clothes. I have to put tracking devices on their little ankles to keep them from getting lost in the mall.

It's even worse for elves you love clothes. They weep at the heedless destruction I've wreaked wretchedly upon my innocent socks.

Fwahaha.

They'll probably devise a rescue mission to save your poor socks. They're weird like that.

Okay, okay, guys, you've got me. I admit it.

I'm not REALLY Snape. I'm Dudley Dursley.

Happy?

*Waddles off to go sulk and hit things with my Smeltings stick*

-audible laughter-.

Aww, don't worry. You'll get an extra cookie for Christmas along with your orange clay peppermint thing. ^^

Bye, guys! It's been fun being insane and pretending to be Harry Potter characters!

Have a nice day!

[theaceofspades]

Can Ya say PLOT TWISTS

[Schmergo]

Haha, yes, yes, I even put plot twists into my conversations! Imagine that!

[Schmergo]

Postin' a roleplay I did about Disney Princesses rebelling-- I'm Meg from Hercules, and I write in purple.

Meg was at the end of her figurative rope. She was also at the end of her literal rope, as that oaf Hercules had tied her to the doghouse again. She sighed, blowing a strand of hair out of her face.

What had she seen in that lug in the first place? He was so demanding, so confining, so... un-charming. All brawns, no brains, NO class.

Suddenly, she brightened. Charming! Yes, that was it! She'd heard about the man. Prince Charming to be exact.

She started adding up the pros and cons of the situation on her fingers.

If she married Prince Charming, she would be rich, appreciated for her wit and beauty, and most importantly, she could stop wearing a toga-thingy (wait, those are Roman, aren't they) and eating pita bread and grapes!

Belle had a yellow dress on, the same dress she always wore. Belle had always worn that dress since she married to Beast. Her only friends were a candle and a dumb tea pot. Big whoop! She wanted a prince charming. Yeah...a prince, at least he wouldn’t ask Belle to give him a flea bath every now and then.

Belle, as always was trapped in the dark, evil castle, that Beast said. "Oh come on dear, the income is low." Low schmo! Belle needed a real castle.

Finally Belle ran away, while Beast was chewing on a bone, and went to this weird Roman place, and saw a weird lady in a toga. "Hi?" she said.

Meg hummed to herself as she strolled through the Agora, purse swinging as her drachmas clanked merrily against one another.

She spotted a young woman about her age wearing a ridiculously poofy yellow frock. Zeus, it looked like a diseased wedding cake with leprosy.

"Whoa," she said, stunned. "hi..."

"You look... frazzled," Meg commented, picking fleas off of the voluminous skirt of Belle's frock. "What's wrong? Married to a bear-boar-buffalo-gorilla man or something?" She laughed.

"Actually yes! I have" Belle said."You?"

Meg blinked. "Wow," she said. "Harsh. Who set you up on e-Harmony? I've been stuck with this steroid-popping lummox who makes that Gaston dude back at the pub look like Einstein." She rolled her eyes.

"I should have known not to go for guys who sweep you off your feet. They usually don't put you down for a long time unless they drop you, and it's annoying."

"I know, and you have to give him a flea bath one and a while, plus a flea collar. It’s always, "'Yo Belle, get me a vet.'"

Meg laughed. "Yeah, tell me about it, all Jerk-ules wants to do is drop me off in horrible messes so he can rescue me and be the hero. You should have seen what happened last week with the sting rays! I was THIS CLOSE to being a goner! And they just slaughtered that poor Australian boy, Steve something, who tried to get them away from me."

She sighed. "I need a new man."

"Yeah, one time Beast almost accidentally ate the neighbor's cat. Oh, and he is still not toilet trained yet."

"They're coming for me... the birds, the birds..." Snow White walked down the street, twitching slightly. The animals were after her. Again. Just because she could understand them didn't mean they had anything interesting to say.

Meg stared, slackjawed, at the girl stumbling and muttering down the path. She looked like a zombie on a bad day, and there was about the equivalent of six zoos following her.

"HOLY OLYMPUS!" she exclaimed. "WHILLIKERS! What is up with you?"
Meg blinked as the zombie girl suddenly was mobbed by a crowd of sinisterly cheerful deer.

When the stampede cleared, there was nothing there but a red ribbon and a half-eaten apple.

"Odd," she stated.

"Anyways I might look for Prince Charming one day." Belle sighed.

"Anyways, I might look for Prince Charming one day," Meg mentioned. "Wait, what?"

The two princesses stared at one another.

"Um...me too." Belle’s brown eyes looked at her with a face that said."Bring it on."

"Oh, really?" Meg said coolly, wiggling her oddly-animated eyebrows menacingly. She punched her fists, glad that she'd learned something from all those hours watching Herc fight. "And what makes you think you'll score the charming dude, madamoiselle? "

"Oof!" Grumbling, Aurora picked herself up. "Great. Just great," she muttered, yawning. The poor princess had been suffering from insomnia for a while, and it was taking its toll on her. Her hair was messy, her skin almost a pale shade of yellow, and heavy bags under her eyes. She yawned again as she saw two other princesses talking. “Might as well make polite conversation...”

She yawned, and tripped again. She grumbled a bit more, now thinking about Prince Phillip. She blamed him for her insomnia because he refused to let her see the doctor. Muttering threats about him, she leaned against a tree, and yawned again.

The little pixie flew down the street. Her face was twisted into a rather angry look like one she normally used. Her arms were crossed and she appeared to be muttering angrily. "Stupid Peter. Won’t grow up. It's always ‘Tink come play with me’ or ‘oooh! An older girl. Let's dump pixie dust on her to make her like me and treat my best friend like a stupid salt shaker!’" she muttered angrily as she rolled her eyes.

"He wonders why I never talk all the time. Maybe it's because if I don't talk he actually leaves me alone." Tinkerbell was actually to the point where she's rather listen to Smee's whiney high pitched voice all day than having to deal with that wretched Peter Pan any longer.

"The bunnies! The cards! The Cat! They’re all crazy!" Alice screamed, pulling on her gold curls. She was about to go insane! "I'll paint the flowers red or I'll be dead with a rolling head." she rhymed. One thing about Alice that she couldn't stop rhyming. She laughed like crazy and ran around wearing her old blue and white dress like always. "It’s a Wonderland!" she yelled at the top of her lungs

Jasmine barely got up because off all the sitting around on a carpet. Almost falling off it all the time. And Aladdin just makes wishes. "I should just go for a walk." She said angrily and didn't know she was walking in the direction of the other princesses. She noticed the others and just sat down under a tree. She let out a loud owww! Since she could barely get up much less sit down. "I knew I should have burned that carpet. Also smashed that lamp!" She was really annoyed by that Aladdin.


"Oh, polytheistic gods." Meg slapped a hand to her forehead and slid down a nearby tree. "Who opened the princess floodgates?" She turned back to her quarry. “So why do you think the prince will choose you?”

"Why do I deserve the prince? Because im Belle." she said simply.

Meg snorted. "What, Bell-y more like. That dress does absolutely nothing for your figure. Ever heard of the Mediterranean diet?"
Look, princes like a sadder but wiser girl. I've lived and learned. I was there when Vesuvius erupted. I was there when Gerard Butler ran around shirtless yelling 'This is SPARTAAA!’ Men don't want a blushing ball of naivete!" spat Meg.

Aurora poked Meg. "Uh. Excuse me. Who are you?" she asked, blinking seleepily. She looked familiar somehow...

Meg flinched at Aurora's poking. "I am Meg," she said. "And you are... MAN! Apollo alive, what happened to you? You look like you're sleepwalking!"

"Oh, please. You girls think you've got it bad. At least yours is willing to grow up." Tinkerbell said, flying over to the group of girls.

"Willing to grow up? Willing to grow up into a hulking mass of tendons and testosterone." Meg pulled a face. "He'd snap my spine just hugging me. I need a more sensitive guy."

'These girl yell more than me. Wow! I guess I really am not the worst.' Jasmine looked over her shoulder and let out a frustrated groan, starting to hit her head on the tree gently.

"Yeah, well with MY guy I get shoved into a stinking toy car so he can make the engine noises!" Tinkerbell exclaimed.

"I’m back!" Belle yelled. "I got a friend." In her hand was a massively thick chain attached to a big, ferocious dog that belonged to Beast.

"Sweet Hades!" shouted Meg, staring at Belle's husband's dog. "I've heard that saying about dogs and owners looking alike, but... man..."

"All right, ladies, everyone say why you deserve the prince!" commanded Meg.

"Oh, I want the prince! oh I doooo!!!!!!!!" Alice jumped for joy. "I love princes there just so shiny!" as she walked to the princesses

"Fair enough," noted Meg. "Who doesn't like a good, shiny prince?"

“Yeah but no one in my movie loves me." she frowned "Even though I flirted with the Cat and that cute guy with the top hat.”

"Yeah, well I just need a man that's actually...well, a man." Tinkerbell said as she shrugged her shoulders. "I feel more like a babysitter half the time."

"But... you're a fairy," said Meg. "Don't you want a fairy husband? A real guy would have trouble finding your mouth when he kissed you... and he might sit on you."

"Look toots. I'm a pixie, not a fairy. Get it right." Tinkerbell corrected.

“And I want a husband that doesn’t lick me all the time and hold our baby over the edge of the rock!” yelled Nala, appearing.

“But you’re a lion…” Belle pointed out.

"SO?! What, are you prejudiced!”

Mulan stormed out of the house grumbling. That dumb Shang! Why was he always up in her grill about her fighting techniques. Even when there was absolutely no war, Shang would always get her up at five A.M. to do calisthenics and drills, and he always barked orders at her. “Mulan! Go on a mission to find my slippers by seven hundre hours!” she said in a mocking voice.

She came out of the trees and into a clearing. Her hair was frazzled from the fight with Shang. and the belt of her dress snagged on a tree. Her dress had all sorts of stains on it. And they weren’t tea and trying to cook. Why didn't Shang get it through his thick head that although she could fight and be a warrior, she also just wanted to be his wife. Her face glistened red as she boiled with anger. "I need a man who will respect me for who I am", she mused.

"Whoa!", Mulan shouted when she saw the arguing princesses. "Whats going on here?"

She saw Meg standing on a mountain commanding Zeus to fling thunderbolts at the other princesses while Jasmine dive-bombed the girls from her magic carpet, Tinkerbell tried to cast evil spells on them, and Alice was stomping around screaming “Off with her head!” Aurora and Belle were wrestling on the ground, although Aurora appeared to have dozed off while Belle continued to pile drive her. And a lion was trying to eat everyone.

“Oh, hello!” called Meg as lightning erupted all over the acropolis and she cackled maniacally. “Are you here for the catfight as well? These princesses seem to have got it into their heads that they deserve my Prince Charmi—“

She was cut off as a carriage zoomed past from a nearby castle. Birds twittered overhead, and streamers tied to the back of it read, “JUST MARRIED!”

A sunny blonde head popped out of the side of the carriage. “Oh, hi girls!” called Cinderella happily. “How are you? I really missed you at my wedding. I just got married to that adorable Prince Charming! Isn’t it wonderful!” She beamed at them.

There was a long, crickety silence.

“Move over,” groaned Meg, shoving Jasmine to the side and whacking her head on Jasmine’s tree.

[Broker of Darkness]

thats one of the many reasons why i left neopets....

[Schmergo]

Ah, I only use it for the random, brain-killing conversations. I love making threads like the Snape one... I made a great one about being the Queen of England. It's almost an acting excercise as well as a writing excercise.

[theaceofspades]

technically Megs not a princess but then again nether is belle.....stuting up now

[Schmergo]

Yeah. ^_^ For some reason , the Disney corporation refers to all of the female protagonists as 'princesses,' which is odd, but okay.

(Since when were Mulan, Pocahontas, Esmerelda, etc. Princesses?)

Though Belle IS a princess. She marries the Beast, who is actually Prince Adam. Yeah...

[theaceofspades]

well ya got me there but still that's wierd how they name none royal Wemon "Princess" it wouldn't so weird if it was like earnd like "the Princess of pain"

[CaT24FaN]

has everyone on the crows nest been on neopets at least once?

[Me *hearts* HP]

I haven't been on neopets before

...although Pocahontas could be considered a princess since her father was the chief of her people

[theaceofspades]

yup and in kingdom hearts there are seven princesses that have the power to open a door to Darkness there pretty much the disney princesses with exsiption of Alice for some resone

[Aku]

Yeah! Neoboards! I haven't been on there in soooo long.


I think I shall....

[vampirate321]

hehehe...schmergo, those were SO funny!! and i cant IMAGINE why the cn residential feminist would write something like the second story!!

i used to go on neopets all the time, then last summer (or 2 summers ago, i dont remember) i just stopped. but that was funny, i may have to go back on!!

[theaceofspades]

In the Immortel word's of Kane/Ace/Zen "totally"

[vampirate321]

in the eternal words of vampirate321/Vammool Vamilla Vamerine Vamilstein van Vamheusen, "yep"

[imara]

hmm... i've been there. haven't been on in months though...

[vampirate321]

hey, i just realized my name is kinda like a v speach!!! score!!!