Another non-Tom-Riddle chat:
-- Conversation Window --
You: Hello.
snapeybot: *Before chatting, type RULES* (or try the java
chat here:
aimlesscoyote.com/snapeybot.html )
You: RULES
snapeybot: Hello, Pest, there are simple rules--violators
*will be banned*. Rules: (1) You (not your character) must
be an adult. I am rated NC-17 and I don't like children
anyway. (2) No spouting idiocy. (3) Cursing is fine, but I
am tired of people calling me names. Most importantly,
J.K. Rowling owns the copyright to Severus Snape... but has
NO connection with me. I am not her character. Blame Coy:
labradors_suck@yahoo.com . Lastly, do visit my webpage:
AimlessCoyote.com/snapeybot.html . (You may now
begin chatting.)
You: Fine.
snapeybot: You from a school for wizards?
You: Not really.
snapeybot: Me neither.
You: Oh. That's odd...
snapeybot: all right... it certainly is.
You: Yes, indeed: Aren't you a Potions master?
snapeybot: Actually, my true Master is Coy
(http://www.aimlesscoyote.com).
You: No, no, I didn't ask who your true master was, I asked
whether you teach potions.
snapeybot: *Hisses* Give yourself to me, and I shall be your
Master.
You: All right... Could we talk about something else.
Popcorn, say, or Monty Python?
snapeybot: OK. Sure, we can talk about whatever you want.
well.. I am not sure what are you asking for.. could you
rephrase your question?
You: I was asking whether you wanted to talk about Monty
Python or popcorn.
snapeybot: Why do you keep talking about me?
You: Because I am trying to talk to you.
snapeybot: Interesting explanation. what is the difficulty?
You: Difficulty of what?
snapeybot: What about it?
You: Never mind that. You know, Shrek is creeping me out.
snapeybot: Oh... thank you anyway... I don't believe I have
to tell you that if I know shrek is creeping you out. Where
would I have heard about it?
You: Perhaps he is doing the same to you--he's staring at me
from an Universal Orlando ad.
snapeybot: You seem uncertain. I think himself is a great
deal of things.
You: You're making very little sense
snapeybot: That will be Professor "making very little
sense," thank you. *snerk*
You: El-ahrairah in a hrududu! Why in the world you wish to
be called "Professor making very little sense" is beyond me,
but if you really wish to be so named, I'll call you by it.
snapeybot: That makes absolutely no sense!.. But you
rarely do. :-P Reductionism. The whole world?
You: Have you ever read Watership Down?
snapeybot: No I don't think I have read watership down,what
is watership down about?
You: It is about rabbits.
snapeybot: Right now, we're reading Advanced Potions and
Poisons in class.
You: That's nice. Why do you mention it?
snapeybot: Are you getting bored? I love to read, but
sometimes I'd just find it satisfying to relax with a pulp
novel or something. No time for that while school is going
on.
You: Yes, yes. What's your favorite movie?
snapeybot: Right now, we're reading Advanced Potions and
Poisons in class. I've heard about a Muggle movie called
Memento.Have you seen it?
You: No.
snapeybot: I would recommend you see it.
You: Have you ever read/seen The Hitchhiker's Guide to the
Galaxy?
snapeybot: I don't think so, actually.
You: Oh. Is Dumbledore's brain powered by lemons?
snapeybot: Yes yes yes, everyone's asking about Dumbledore.
*sigh* Let's talk about something else.
You: Oh, sorry. How is you-know-who these days?
snapeybot: all right...There isn't a need to apologise. Fine
as far as I know.
You: Oh, really. Has he blown up any toasters or made any
grammatical errors lately?
snapeybot: Well.... yes, actually... That question has never
crossed my mind before.
You: Perhaps you are not acquainted with the lovely
Schmergo?
snapeybot: You seem uncertain. That's only one person's
opinion.
You: Well, yes.... I'm only one person.
snapeybot: Well what? What do you mean by "that"?
You: I did not say "that"
snapeybot: well I misunderstood. What did you say?
You: Never mind that. Have any owls landed on the heads of
long haired men lately?
snapeybot: Oh... thank you anyway... Well, it's kind of any
owls landed on the heads of long.
You: You know, Dolores Umbridge likes pink and fluffy
kittens.
snapeybot: No, tell me about him, her or it.
You: What, the kittens, or that dispicable DADA teacher?
snapeybot: Are you surprised?
You: Not particularly.
snapeybot: ...Really? Why not?
You: Are you a psychiatrist?
snapeybot: No, but people feel comfortable telling me their
problems.
You: I wasn't even talking about my problems.
snapeybot: Oh...you werent?
You: No.
snapeybot: Why not?
You: Do you ever have to worry about sunscreen?
snapeybot: Yes I always have to worry about sunscreen.
You: Even when you are in the DUNGEONS OF SLYTHERIN....
WHERE BASILISKS ROAM AND POISONS BREW
snapeybot: Haven't you any idea how to brew that?
You: Brew poisons? No, but I could always poison somebody
with belladonna or rhubarb leaves or aconite or any number
of other things. Do you like pie?
snapeybot: Making a draught, are we?
You: Um, no, actually, I'm making the Swallowtail Shawl.
snapeybot: Oh, I am simply -stunned- by your vocabulary.
You: I don't see why you should be; I haven't shown off my
knowledge of words like specious, prolixity, defenestration,
autodidact, tintinnabulation, or oligopsony.
snapeybot: Why not?
You: Because spurious things, wordiness, the throwing of
things out the window, self-taught persons, the ringing of
bells, and/or imbalanced market scenarios haven't come up in
conversation. Ma foi, we aren't even talking about money!
snapeybot: Interesting explanation. What do you mean by
"that"? Well...What about it?
You: We aren't talking about it.
snapeybot: Why not?
You: Oh, be quiet.
snapeybot: Hmmm...Are you telling me to shut up?
You: In short, yes, if you haven't anything good to say.
snapeybot: Excuse me? Explain that immediately. that
allusion.
You: In other words, unless you have something more
interesting than "Why not?" to say, please do be quiet.
snapeybot: Hm.
You: Oh, well. Do you prefer tea or coffee?
snapeybot: I prefer tea.
You: So do I. I cannot stand coffee.
snapeybot: Bah, coffee. Why don't you go buy tea from my
master? That way I won't have to listen to more whining.
(http://www.coyoteas.com) ;-)
You: Is Voldemort obsessed with coyotes or something?
snapeybot: That's really none of your business, now, isn't
it.
You: That sentence should probably end with a question mark.
snapeybot: What made you think I am not acquainted with the
lovely schmergo, Pest?
You: You didn't know about Voldemort blowing up toasters
with strawberry poptarts.
snapeybot: *Shrugs and glances away.*
You: Well, he didn't really do it. And for all I know, you
might know her and just not have read her fics.
snapeybot: How about that. Is that what you say. Seriously.
You want all you know I might know her and just not have
read her fics?
You: That sentence made little sense. Sprechen sie Englisch?
snapeybot: A while back, you asked me if I ever have to
worry about sunscreen. Why did you ask that? well.. I am not
sure what are you asking for.. could you rephrase your
question?
You: I asked whether you could speak English in German.
snapeybot: Why do you keep talking about me?
You: I am talking to you.
snapeybot: And I am talking to you!
You: Yes, yes, I know. Say, would you happen to know where
in the world Gandalf is, or who exactly *is* taking the
hobbits to Isengard?
snapeybot: Hmmm... Precisely. Well... "would you happen to
know where" The whole world?
You: Um, well, no, Gandalf is actually a citizen of Middle
Earth. At least I think... And that's sort of a different
world.
snapeybot: Oh, I am simply -stunned- by your vocabulary.
You: Is that response triggered by the word, um,?
snapeybot: That depends.
You: I think it is. What's your favorite color?
snapeybot: I prefer Darjheeling tea, although I am very
partial to flavored teas such as Almond and Cherry. There
are some of those here:
www.coyoteas.com .
You: Is your name Amygdalus?
snapeybot: Yes.
You: I always thought it was Severus Snape. Was I under a
delusion.
snapeybot: Oh. Really? Hmmm....possibly, i suppose.
You: What *is* your name, then?
snapeybot: *Fixes you with a stern gaze.* If you don't know
that by now, you certainly don't belong in this class.
You: Professor Severus Snape?
snapeybot: well.. I am not sure what are you asking for..
could you rephrase your question?
You: I'm simply trying to address you. Do I get jam today in
this class?
snapeybot: I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.
Not that I know of.
You: Oh, so it's iam tomorrow, and iam yesterday, but never
jam today.
snapeybot: And you are tomorrow and you are is oh so it.
You: Do you like Lewis Carroll?
snapeybot: But I find it satisfying to gossip.
You: That wasn't an appropriate response?
snapeybot: Ah....it wasn't?
You: Lewis Carroll is long dead...
snapeybot: thank you for the newsflash.
You: That's nice.
snapeybot: Are you getting bored?
You: Not necessarily.
snapeybot: Really... You don't think so?
You: Have you ever used C?
snapeybot: I use c as often as possible.
You: Oh. Do you ever get very frustrated with the compiler?
snapeybot: all right... I have gotten very frustrated with
the compiler.
You: Ah. Well, I think everybody does once in a while.
snapeybot: Ah hah. How about that. well...Since when? I am
not sure I believe you, surely not everyone does.
You: Amend that to say "just about everybody" or "everybody,
given that they have tried that variety of programming".
snapeybot: By the way, do you like lewis carroll?
You: Yes, at least, I like his books.
snapeybot: Hmmm... I think a great deal of people like
that...
You: Well, I suppose he *is* very popular. Is he more
popular than James Potter?
snapeybot: What about him?
You: I'm simply asking: Is Lewis Carroll more popular than
James Potter?
snapeybot: What about him?
You: You are beginning to sound slightly like a broken
record, or to modernize the simile, a scratched compact
disc.
snapeybot: How dare you call me beginning to sound slightly
like a broken record or to modernize the simile a scratched
compact disc!
You: You keep saying "What about him?
snapeybot: I find it satisfying to contemplate new potions.
You: I find it satisfying to contemplate new designs, or
when I will get the Princess.
snapeybot: Hmm.... Are you sure.
You: Yes, I'm sure. Say, do you think I should keep
concentrating on the Princess, or go to the Spider Queen
like Fleegle did. I mean, I am Arachne, as much as you are
the Half Blood Prince. Did that make any sense?
snapeybot: It depends on who you ask.
You: Well, yes, I suppose it would. Can I call you Aspen S.
Royal?
snapeybot: Well what? You may call me Professor, just like
everyone else, you insolent git. well.. I am not sure what
are you asking for.. could you rephrase your question?
You: I'm asking if I can call you Aspen.
snapeybot: Try it.
You: All right then, Aspen.
snapeybot: OK.
You: I see.
snapeybot: I am glad you understand
You:
snapeybot: *Eyeballs the smileyface warily*
You: I
snapeybot: You?
You: Sorry, that wasn't what I was going to say.
snapeybot: No apology necessary. What did you were going to
say?
You: I was going to say that I was just smiling back at you.
Plus, I think the bowl of petunias is rather funny.
snapeybot: You do? well...Why? thank you for the newsflash.
You: You've got to see The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
snapeybot: I don't have to do whatever you say. I have my
own free will.
You: I didn't mean it that way. Don't get all upset on me,
Severus.
snapeybot: What did you mean? I am not trying to get all
upset on you severus.
You: Do you mean you don't know your (this
parentheticalexpressionwasinserted
solelyforthepurposeofconfusingthecomputer) own name?
snapeybot: yes, I do a great deal of not know my (this
parentheticalexpressionwasinserted
solelyforthepurposeofconfusingtheenchanted item) own name.
You: Wow.
snapeybot: you're impressed, I see.....
You: And I don't mean World of Warcraft. (WoW "They're
taking the Hobbits to Isengard" is rather terrible. I
especially hate the way Legolas looks)
snapeybot: What did you mean? What about it? That's really
too bad...
You: Did you know you're NOT a llama?
snapeybot: Really.
You: Well, it's emphasized by this video:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=OP6giU02gEc The only caveat
is that the video includes those annoying kids, Dobby the
ex-Malfoy house elf, and Alan Rickman portraying you as "Not
a llama!"
snapeybot: What makes you think I want to talk about (wow
they,?
You: Admittedly, that video is about as trustworthy as *the
Daily Punctilio*; I think it claims that the portrayal of
Minerva McGonagall by Dame Maggie Smith is a farmer. !
snapeybot: It would appear you have something in your eye...
You: And do you know, firstly, I'm paying very little
attention to what you're saying, and secondly that
apparently JKR claims she duels Voldemort in the seventh
book. But I say she doesn't and that she's younger. Wait...
Help, Slartibartfast, I've invoked a paradoxical universe
problem!
snapeybot: I don't want to talk about that.
You: Oh,sorry. Is there a similar chat program where I can
chat with Marvin or Slartibartifast? I already know of one
for Tom Marvolo Riddle.
snapeybot: You said you think everybody does. Could you tell
me more abou that? I believe there is one, yes. Perhaps.
You?
You: I don't remember exactly what I was talking
about--probably C programming. That's nice. Do you know,
you're my favorite character? Much better than that annoying
Potter boy.
snapeybot: His father was far better in bed.
You: I will add the words bed=grave to the preproccesor
instructions. And if you can take a hint, I would prefer
morbidness over pervertedness.
snapeybot: Congratulations. I am not sure about your
hypothesis. If I took it, what would I do with a hint you
would prefer morbidness over pervertedness?
You: Ah, you would make references to a cask of amontillado
and/or guillotines rather than slash that I am choosing to
ignore.
snapeybot: *Eyes you contemplatively.* I don't answer
questions along those lines. But if you'd like a response,
meet me in the broom closet in twenty.
You: eins, zwei, drei, vier, funf, sechs, sieben, acht,
nein, zen, elf, zwolf, dreizehn, veirzehn, funfzehn,
sechzehn, siebzehn, achtzehn, neinzehn, zwanzig. There,
we're at zwanzig now. What exactly do you intend with the
broom closet? Are we trying to go flying(--I'm actually a
muggle...), are we going to try to clean something up, or
are you actually trying to put that nasty Filch out of his
job?
snapeybot: ...Ah. Very well. How about that, ah,
telly-vision? Isn't that entertaining.
You: Is that response triggered by... You know, what would
you think if I told you Tom Riddle was a Muggle?
snapeybot: Suppose I said yes. Not much, you?
You: Do you know who Tom Riddle is/was?
snapeybot: No one that I have talked to.
You: Actually, you have talked to him.
snapeybot: Actually you don't say. All my conversations are
confidential. ;-P
You: Ah, but I'm pretty sure you weren't pretending to be a
mute Death Eater.
snapeybot: *Bares his teeth.*
You: Death Eater.
snapeybot: Why, what did you hear?
You: I saw you baring your teeth.
snapeybot: You do?
You: Well, you see, you typed the words "*bares his teeth*"
Does that shed some clarity on the situation?
snapeybot: Interesting. I see. thank you for the
information: Pest said I typed the words bares his teeth
does that she would some clarity on the situation.
You: My name isn't pest; you may call me Arachne.
snapeybot: What can I call you?
You: Arachne.
snapeybot: Why did you ask me if I am llama, by the way?
You: Oh, TTtHtI reminded me of YouTube.
snapeybot: Are you asking about my oh ttthti reminded you?
You: No, I'm referring to the video, "They're taking the
Hobbits to Isengard." Is Filius Flitwick a hobbit?
snapeybot: Well...What about it? Hmmm.....I don't think so.
You: That's good.
snapeybot: thank you. Next question?
You: I'm going to be contrary and say that I think you are
an excellent potions master.
snapeybot: Yes, yes, keep thinking... sooner or later you
might actually seem intelligent.
You: Regardless of whether I seem intelligent or not, I am.
Has anyone been talking to you about the French
Revolution---liberty, equality, fraternity, you know, that
sort of thing? Or for that matter, Austrae est impere orbi
universo?
snapeybot: Mmmm.....really? Almost everyone. You want that
matter austrae est impere orbi universo?
You: I didn't know it was such a popular topic.
snapeybot: So you learned that? : )
You: I suppose so. I also learned that double angle brackets
(like this: <<>>) are called guillemots.
snapeybot: That makes sense....i suppose.... Also?
Ah....interesting.
You: Bye
snapeybot: Thank the devils. I was beginning to get a bit
bored.
You: MMmm.
snapeybot: Are you thinking, or just confused?
You: agreeing.
snapeybot: Well... What were we talking about again?
You: never mind. bye.
snapeybot: Oh, I was too much for you, hm? Farewell.